Monday I ended up back in the ER and they admitted me to the OB ward for the evening. I came home yesterday and a home health nurse came and put in an IV and showed me how to put the needle in my abdomen for my Zofran pump. I have to move it every 3 days, or if it becomes painful in that area. Ben is now a pro at changing my IV bags. They only last 8 hours (on a continual timed drip) so he changed my bag last night after I fell asleep and then this morning before he left for work. It's hard for me to do things because I have a board taped to my wrist on the hand with the IV. If I can stay hydrated then I will be able to take out the IV on Sunday and maybe not need it anymore. The Zofran pump will stay though.
This has been a rough journey. I'm having an increasingly difficult time getting through an hour without crying. The pregnancy hormones have made me have awful anxiety and I shake from the load of adrenaline it causes. I miss being me. I miss laughing and doing hair clients. I miss going on dates with my husband that aren't centered around an ER. I miss running around and wrestling with my kids. With the IV I realized this morning that it is difficult to help Zack get dressed. Even going to the bathroom is a burden. I have to wheel my IV pole in with me and then make sure the Zofran pump's tubing is out of the way so I don't accidentally tug on it and pull it out. I'm not trying to complain or get sympathy. I'm just letting you know what is going on, so if you call and I start bursting out in tears, then just know I am lonely and afraid of what is going on with my body. I've never been one to hide what I'm feeling, and I just feel so overwhelmed with this experience. I feel like I have already passed my breaking point. I pray that this is rock bottom and that I can only go up from here.
This being said, I want to say that my testimony remains firm. I know my Heavenly Father knows me and knows what I am going through. I am sure I have wearied Him with my constant pleadings for relief and comfort. I know He has blessed me so many times, even if in my state, I quickly forget to remember His loving arms are here for me. I pray for the strength to remember so I can feel His calmness in my soul.
I am grateful to everyone who has called, texted, visited, brought meals, cleaned my house, or watched my children. If I've left anything out I don't mean to. My brain isn't running on full force right now. I just love and appreciate you all. I pray no one I know ever has to go through this.
7 comments:
I'm so sorry you've been ill, sounds really difficult too! We sure love you and will keep you in our prayers! xoxo
Wish I was in a position to help you out more! You are in my thoughts and prayers! Seriously if you need Zack to play somewhere he is more than welcome to come over!
Oh Jen...I am so sorry for all your troubles but so glad to know that you know you will get through it with the Lord's help. Just you sharing your testimony helps mine grow. You are in my thoughts a lot. As always call if you need me.
So sorry Jen! I love that you are not one to hide your feelings and that you share your testimony. You're awesome!
I miss your constant texts! Do I need to come over there and do YOUR hair? HAHA...that should look great! Well-time to get caught up on all that daytime TV junk!
(I had Cafe Rio yesterday and thought of you...I didn't have Tres Leches though :()
Soo sorry to hear you have been so sick...but soo HAPPY to hear the exciting news. Congrats. Hang in there!!
I love that you speek your mind LOVE IT! sorry you are feeling so down I do know what its like to sick what seems like FOREVER hang in there and if you need ANYTHING please call me and Ill come running.oh yea and I MISS you doing my hair.
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